So Very Vanilla

A one hit wonder has one more hit than none, and that's not nothing

I raise one eyebrow to you, Mr. One Hit Wonder

There are few more lonely spots in the music business than that occupied by the one hit wonder. One Hit Wonder. Like, jeez dude, you had a hit, that most meteoric and whimsical maddening thunderstroke of an event, and now people are going to knock you down for not being able to do it again? Many a photo editor would assign me a gig with a casual, “oh, just some one hit wonder,” which negates and minimizes the actual accomplishment of having a hit record. Which is a thing akin to winning a superbowl ring. And whether it was some twenty year old kid, an earnest college band on their third record, or some guy who’d been slogging away for decades before finally hitting it big, I sympathized with them all. Even the annoying ones, sometimes that made the inevitable fall from fame appear sweeter rather than poignant. Many one hit wonders I encountered had terrific perspective, seemed grateful for the opportunities enabled by winning the lotto of chart success. Others, not so much.

Vanilla Ice, née Robbie Van Winkel did not seem that grateful for the experience. I often observed an inverse relationship between the kindness and professionalism (same thing really) of an artist depending on how long they had been performing. Steven Tyler, Charlie Watts, Peter Gabriel, Bonnie Raitt, all were super delightful to work with, truly considerate. I’m not going to call out a bunch of ill mannered folk here though, except to say Mr. Ice seemed more interested in being imperious and ungallant to a visiting photographer and his assistant than a more seasoned artist might have been.

These pictures are all taken by me, Chris X Carroll, and I claim copyright, left etc.

My assistant and I got a nice little jaunt to Miami out of it, Vanilla Ice got to appear in Rolling Stone in all his cross processed glory, looking like the apotheosis of 90s culture. While “researching” this piece (shut UP, wikipedia is too a real source, what is this, a school paper?) I learned it turns out the reason Ice, Ice, Baby sounds so much like that Queen/Bowie tune is because Ice sampled the latter hit without credit or attribution (or telling people about it, or even ‘fessing up). When confronted on the similarities, Ice claimed he’d added a beat to the riff, thus changing it to his original art. Lawyers disagreed, and subsequent versions credited (and paid) Queen and David Bowie as songwriters.

My celebrity photo career felt in some ways like a one hit wonder. When the hits stopped coming and the clients stopped calling I spent several decades wondering why it all stopped. I think I probably scoffed at Vanilla Ice right along with my smug Photo Editors. I know I scoffed when I noted Ice performing at the 2023 Mar-A-Lago Christmas party, playing his one hit with gusto. I mean what kind of guy looks back thirty plus years to hits he had when a mere kid, a whelp who should have known better? Yeah, what kind of guy? Pot/kettle etc. 

I’m here on substack rather than at South Florida’s primary gilded shithole but are me and ol’ Vanilla there really that different?  I hereby hoist a glass to you, Mr. Van Winkel, if that’s even your real name, and propose a toast: here’s to the one hit wonder, ‘cause one is one more than none.